Wait
by Nalana
Summary: You'll leave. His words were a statement, his tone hollow. She'll leave and you'll find a way to follow. It's...alright. After all these years, Shuuhei Hisagi should be used to abandonment. ShuuheiRenjii & RenjiRukia, slight RukiaIchigo.


Disclaimer: If only I owned them... sadly, I don't.

A/N: This was written to be a description of a picture I'm working on.

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Empty. Hollow. Shuuhei Hisagi's stomach cramped pitifully. Abandoned. Always abandoned. That's what he was. 

The first time had been when he was eight, when he lived in the real world. His mother had dropped him off in the park telling him to go play and she'd be back by sunset. She never returned. He saw her from afar two years later when he was scavenging for leftovers in restaurant garbage. She had been a waitress. When he froze that following winter he had opened his eyes to find himself in the 70th district.

Despite his age he had earned his way into a gang of teenagers, mostly for survival. He had even begun a relationship with one of the younger girls in it. And in his ignorance he had been happy. Then his girl had decided the best way for her to stay at the top of the food chain was to being whoring herself out to the gang leader. He tried to challenge the man but the entire group turned on him.

Having enough of this lifestyle he drew in the attention of a recruit who had gotten him to take the entrance test for the shinigami test a couple times before. He had failed them on purpose, thinking he was fine where he was. He got in with flying colors. And for a while things were looking up. He even rose to the top of his class.

In his senior year an interesting group of first years came in. Among them was a fiery red head with a personality to match. Renji Abarai, not so much younger then himself due to late entry had come to him one night and asked for help academically. After a series of mess-ups he even fell into the role of lover again. But when Abarai had become concerned about his own abilities being measured Hisagi let him go willingly.

Decades later he found himself to be the fukutaicho of the ninth division of the Gotei 13. He supposed that now, he was even temporary captain. But that title had come with another betrayal. His captain, mentor, had proven to be a traitor. While Tousen had stabbed everyone, Hisagi had taken it as another attack on him. He didn't care how selfish that was.

You think someone would be able to accept that after a while. He thought to himself. I shouldn't let myself hope. Every time I come so close to hoping that maybe this will be the last time. That's bullshit. I'm about to be alone again.

A warm hand snuck under his arm and reached up to intertwine fingers with fingers. Hisagi had nearly forgotten the human blanket that was half draped over him. He glanced down to worried eyes.

"'Agi? What's wrong?" A once familiar red head said with uncommon gentleness in his voice.

Renji, now a fukutaicho himself, had come to him that evening having just as much tension built up in him from the recent events. Shuuhei understood the need for comfort. In some ways Renji had been even worse off. It's not every day your best friend and once lover is sentenced to execution and you can't be the one to come to her rescue. Well, exactly.

He had brought the other man into his bed realizing this was temporary, like back in their school days. It was only to ease both of their aching hearts. Normally, Shuuhei could take that. He'd done it before. But now as Renji was lying above him, his head resting on his arm, it killed him how safe he felt. It shamed him how much he had missed this.

"Ichigo and his friends are leaving tomorrow. Rukia will probably go with them. It is her area." Hisagi said still looking at the ceiling.

"You'll leave." He said as a statement, looking down to see sad eyes turn embarrassed. "She'll go back there. And when you can, you'll follow her."

"Don't be ridiculous." The façade of 'coolness' the red head often had plastered all over his face slipped on as he rolled away to lie beside Hisagi. "I have duties here. I can't let them go. I still have my goals."

An uncomfortable silence fell between the two. Renji opened and closed his mouth a few times before rolling onto his side. Not facing Shuuhei he continued.

"Besides. I talked to her tonight. She's... she's staying." The last half of his sentence was low.

Shuuhei gulped and turned on his own side so that the bed's occupants were back to back. His chest felt so compressed. His throat clogged tightly. It was already set. Renji would still be fawning over her every day. He said quick thanks that he'd be too busy to see many people from now on out. He wasn't sure he could see them together right now.

"So you came here tonight out of pity for me." Hisagi vocalized his thoughts with a snort. "I'm a big boy, Renji. I can take care of myself. Plus you're being an idiot. You should have spent the night with her."

"You think you're so fucking smart, do you?" He felt the weight beside him shift and saw the lamp-cast shadow indicating Renji was now hovering over him as he yelled. "I wouldn't do that to you. I may have grown up in Inuzuri, but I'm not trash."

Hisagi glared down at the pillow he was hugging in his arms as he heard Renji flop back down with a light flood. He could almost picture the man lying there with his arms folded across his chest. Sighing he turned over to see Renji looking more upset then he had ever seen him.

"Wouldn't matter anyway. She's in love with that orange haired brat. She won't say it, but… I know her better then anyone." His gaze kept on the ceiling. "Why am I always loosing her, Hisagi? Why am I not good enough?"

"…Abarai…" Shuuhei breathed softly reaching out to turn the other's face towards him. "You are more then good enough. If she can't see how much you love her then she's the one not worthy."

"Or maybe she does and it scares her. But, Abarai, its all the more reason to go see her. Show her how you feel. You won't have long until work will take you apart. Don't waste your time here."

"Anyone who's worth dying for is worth fighting for after." Hisagi half thought half said as he traced the angry red marks still left from Renji's fight with Byakuya.

"What if she's with him?" Renji's voice was as shaky as a frighten child's.

"Then wait for her. Let her know you're waiting. Sometimes standing to the side shows strength more so then pushing forcefully." He let his hand fall. "I don't promise she'll come to you. She might not. But if you love her enough, waiting won't be a problem. Because you can live on the smallest of moments."

Renji stared at the other man half in bewilderment and half in epiphany. He lifted his own hand and grazed the three scars that were spread across the right side of the dark haired man's face. He was caught in a horrible flashback of seeing Hisagi bleeding in defeat to the hollow he had tried to protect them all from.

"You've waited, haven't you?" he asked in a barely audible voice. Hisagi didn't speak but that was answer enough.

Pulling himself up onto his elbows Renji leaned down to Hisagi and kissed him deeply. In the response he received he felt the thousand thoughts the other shinigami had never expressed. IF it was dignity, respect, or just unawareness that had kept them sealed away was irrelevant. When he pulled away he saw tears lightly sliding down Hisagi's face.

Sweeping the salty trails away he tenderly kissed the other man's forehead and cradled him close as he felt arms curl around and cling to him. Renji was torn. How could he possibly leave now? How could he turn away without a second thought now that he saw?

His mind was made up for him. Clearing his throat Shuuhei gently pushed him away. His eyes were clear. He even put a smile on.

"Like I said, Abarai. I'm a big boy. Go on. Go to her." With a bit of regret Renji pulled away and began to get dressed. Before he could leave he felt a hand grab his wrist. HE didn't turn around. He wasn't sure he could.

"Can you just promise me one thing, Renji?" A strong voice asked. "Will you not forget me?"

"I could never do that." The heavily tattooed man spoke, hoping the weight in the sound of it would say more then those words did.

Shuuhei dropped his hand. Laying back down he watched as the other fukutaicho walked out from the room. Somewhere in the back of his heart he knew that he would probably not see that same man walk back through again. And that was all right. Shuuhei Hisagi was good at waiting. Besides, distancing yourself does wonders.

One way or another he would continue fighting. He'd find out why his captain had done what he did. He'd complete the mission he had maybe foolishly dedicated himself to. And above all of it, he'd make sure the man who's scent still lingered would honestly smile again even if it killed him in the process.


End file.
